The Simple Truth

The Simple Truth
Royal National Park

Depending on your perception, life can be indefinitely complicated. What really matters is the truth. Truth creates understanding, equality, peace, love, freedom and is what ultimately unites all of humanity. The real truth merely asks that it is checked against your own reality. Only then can it become real and truthful.

The obvious is that which is never seen until someone expresses it simply — Khalil Gibran

There is nothing easier to know than the truth because it is life itself. The hindrance is desire. When understood, problems shift perceptions to stem from that of not knowing the truth of life. You cannot control life, but you can control the way you see it. The way to do this is by adhering to the truth.

A man should look for what is and not for what he thinks should be — Albert Einstein

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. Consciousness is an energy, and thoughts are levels of energy. You can subscribe to good levels of conscious energy by focusing not on what you see, but how you see it. The universe as it relates to energy, life and consciousness can be understood. This is the ultimate truth that has the power to transform mankind.

What confuses me the most is why people spend their whole lives acquiring money, only to spend all of their money trying to get their life back— Dalai Lama

The sight of a marvel landscape or astonishing phenomenon becomes a peak moment for most people. Why is this? Your mind opens up to the present moment when something is special. The truth is, every moment in life is special and you can be open to life most of the time, you just have to see the truth to see life. Nothing will ever make any real difference in your life unless it affects your relationship with the balanced physical world, thereby, only changing your mind. Changing the world does not change us. The change in frame of mind institutes the end of unnecessary suffering, conflict and confusion.

Truth is found in the content feeling that resides on a moment to moment basis. The truth demonstrates that you do not need to experience negativity to enjoy positivity. The bad will still happen, you will just perceive it differently.

Mental health is no less important than physical health. Meditation is a workout toward the truth.

Imagine the nature of a monkey; crazy and sporadic. Now imagine that monkey is drunk out of his mind, and was just stung by a wasp. This personification begins to characterize the nature of a free human mind on a day to day basis. The fact that the mind constantly fishes and strives for content aligned with logical explanations is hardly apparent until you challenge yourself to suppress your mind of any reasoning for a period of time. The practice of meditation is essentially the practice of calming the drunk stung monkey within. With this daily practice the beautiful talent of mindfulness begins to develop and strengthen. Like a muscle, your mind becomes stronger and is better able to control your thoughts according to your happiness, efficiency and desires. Mindfulness is a generally underrated skill that when mastered has the ability to conquer fears, doubts, undesired emotions and is only limited to the imagination. The connection between the truth of life and meditation is strong. Perception becomes clear, and doubts dissolve into irrelevance. Most importantly, the practice reveals the gift that lies within everyone and defines truth itself; the present moment.

The present is the ultimate gift and truth of life.

Everyone is given the present in every moment and will continue to receive it forever. The concept of the future and the past are distortions of the present that keep people chasing what isn’t, thereby missing the present in the process. All of what people want lies in the present. Most people just don’t know how to unlock their mindfulness of its existence. The present has to be our goal, because it is the only thing that exists.

Full acknowledgment of the truth will not happen over night. It begins with acceptance of the phenomenon that is the natural world. Mentality is powerful. When aligned with recognition of the balance of life, it persuades true life to shine through. All the best things will happen to you, and so will all of the worst, if you don’t know the truth.

The more present you live, the more fulfilling life gets.

Fulfilled: Is the way we feel when we are completely open to all of life. Becoming fulfilled allows you to feel the way you want to feel all the time. Fulfillment is true happiness. Any doctor will tell you that good feelings in life come from a release of chemicals such as dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline and serotonin in your brain. They do it by allowing you to experience true life. Like a drug, its effect is temporary and must be up kept with the knowledge of life’s truth which is eternal. If you disassociate your fulfillment from the happenings in the environment around you, you are allowed to become fulfilled 100% of the time. True freedom comes when you are able to stay fulfilled independent of what happens in the environment.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world — Mahatma Gandhi

If everyone looked at the big picture in life, we would see the same thing. The underlying enemy of mankind narrows down to cognitive dissonance. Overcoming this frequency and learning the simple truth would unite human beings, and we would all live in paradise.

Conceptual Success


The concept of a goal is an interesting one. While it’s necessary to create a goal to achieve results, the processes involves a shift of focus away from the present moment of time. The essence of any spiritual practice is to allow yourself to resonate as close as possible to the present moment. What is the answer to this discrepancy? It is the culturally based definition of success.

In the context of a western society, the elusive goal called success looks like wealth and fame. As a portrait photographer, I have been exposed to a large collection of collegiate and high school graduations within the north east region of the United States. I see this to be a perfect representation of the region’s societal prescription. In this part of the world, class officials and leaders preach to their students messages that ultimately vocalize the wealth and fame version of success. They say that acquisition of upper echelon employment will provide a sufficient amount of wealth required to be happy. This is the goal they set out for the millennial generation to follow.

I don’t believe this can this fulfill the spirits of every human being that is born into this society, and is the reason for a good chunk of the hardships that this genre of life brings. Anyone who has been exposed to a drastically different way of life in other global communities will see the same vision. Each context of society seems to know they should be chasing happiness, however the concept of profit has driven more developed parts of the world such as the United States to devote their souls to acquiring materialistic wealth while namelessly robbing their happiness in the process.

Don’t be seduced into thinking that that which does not make a profit is without value. — Arthur Miller

If people are able to raise their appreciation for the present moment, this concept may also become clear. Setting a goal must lay forth a fulfilling path that is centered to the individuals passions and desires, not to the tune of a corporate profit. Success will come when passion, the art of creation, and happiness find their place to guide the path set by an ultimate goal. This way, the process of shifting focus away from the here and now can be enlightening, and success can come from within.

A goal is an amazing entity. Looked at with full appreciation and dominant compassion, manipulation of elements within the universe converge to display a desired outcome. What could be more beautiful than that?

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A Centered Take on Society

A Centered Take on Society

To my objective vision, today’s society is a living and growing entity made rational and tangible through the five human senses, while attenuating the unknown.

Society cares for the individual only so far as he is profitable -Simone de Beauvoir

Having been raised in western cultural norms, and recently exposed to the radical dichotomy that exists between global cultures, it has become clear to me that accepting yourself while staying true to your passions holds the key to a positive frequency of life. This way, everything can be perfect.

Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world, because it goes against your training, education, your culture. From the very beginning you have been told how you should be. Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are → Osho

This concept has awakened my beliefs to a direction that is not bound by convention. My thoughts have gravitated towards making sense of the world we call home. Essentially, I see truths that point toward many different avenues to achieve the same desired outcome. I believe everyone has a unique and essential perspective of the world. I personally find a great sense of curiosity in exploring these avenues, and appreciating our dimensional gift that is the present moment. Through the experience of natural forms of stimulation such as exercise or practiced gratitude for our existence, we are able to give our body the exact programming and rewards that it is primitively set up to receive in order to subscribe to a positive frequency of life.

We are in a transitional period with our bodies, in that many demands of modern western culture see no need to fulfill these natural reward systems. Instead, they are replaced with stresses on the acquisition of money and material worth. Unless you are actively pursuing something that you absolutely love and are passionate about, the relatively new prescribed path of life called your job becomes ultimately empty and completely unnatural to the human body and its coordinated psyche.

It is almost as if society has engineered itself so that we can consistently innovate and create new things more quickly and more easily. From an evolutionary perspective, it is almost as if this machine wants to be born, so it has reprogrammed society to live for the machine, rather than to live for the natural human needs system.

We are all on this incomprehensibly large sphere hurling its self through infinite space and time. How come nobody seems to talk about it?

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The Bicycle

niles2Out of the numerous mechanical inventions that human-kind has come up with, perhaps one that has the greatest potential to enhance an exploratory and spiritual mindset is the bicycle. Not only does it serve as an active form of transportation, it provides a platform for adventure.

In its integrity, the bicycle can be seen to metaphorically demonstrate the acquisition of a joyful and simplistic lifestyle. By adhering to a notion that does not continuously strive for never ending amelioration to all of life’s nuances, but rather content and simple gratitude, the beauty of existence glows more intensely than that of a life experienced by chasing expectations or problems.

I want to wake up and put my best face forward to the day. If I take care of myself the day is going to take care of me. | Ultra Romance

As a sport to many and a hobby to others, bikes create experiences. People first started riding bikes at the turn of the century. It was about getting out to the country side and being independent. People still exist today that are spearheading this movement. As compared to a person who has become integrated into certain modern societal cultures, these people subscribe to a frequency that is more heavily in tune with the relationship between them selves and the appreciation for the present moment. In this sense, the reward of existence that matches the aesthetic of discovery carries an identical reward to that of a bottomless bank account. With recognition that everyone is given the present moment and will continue to receive it forever, the greatest gift that promises to keep on giving, may in fact be the bicycle.

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I’m Niles

LIFE IS WILD. ENJOY THE RIDE. 13043577_10205931100545589_1830278714234636204_n-300x300

I enjoy looking at life through the lens of the bigger picture. To me, this reveals that our most powerful tool is our free will. It provides freedom of choice that ultimately affects our well-being and happiness. Perspective lends inspiration to exercise my free will, and new experiences build my appreciation for the art that is my ambiance.

Myself, along with everyone in this world is unique and has something compelling to offer. I believe answering the simple question of why I get out of bed in the morning holds the key to becoming fully authentic and fulfilled throughout my life. To express my true self I am actively pursuing everything that inspires me to be a better version of myself day in and day out. If I can align my battles with passion and joy, in my mind I’ve won the game of life.

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The Ideal is Linked to the Ego

This recent job at Yankee Candle not only provided material growth for me but also spiritual growth. I had come out of a very dark period in my life that was riddled with anxiety, depression and other struggles due to my situation at the time. Working at Yankee Candle helped relieve a lot of those issues.. but also allowed me to crack an issue that I had been having with relationships.

That dark period in my life was caused by the sudden loss of a beloved job that I had at the time and where I had found myself being emotionally involved with my boss. While working, I ignored my feelings because he was after all my boss and I couldn’t in no way shape or form express them to him. But I began to notice emotional undertones from him as well towards me. The relationship we had became very toxic and it wasn’t good for either of us. When he let me go, I had a heck of a time letting go, because I still felt so strongly for him. To this day, I do still feel strongly for him but I have, for the most part, moved on.

For him though, he couldn’t see past me as his employee and cared too much about his image to build a lasting, fulfilling friendship with me. No matter what angle I tried, he rejected me and my heart, leaving me devastated each time.

The last 10 years of my life, my relationships have been one heartbreak after another. I kept ‘falling’ for the same type of person over and over. This last one made me realize that this type was my ideal type of person for me, at least that’s what I thought. But I realized over time, while hard to come to terms with, these people that were MY ideal, I wasn’t THEIR ideal.

Idealism is linked to the ego. When we find a mate that fits our ideal, our ego is stroked and inflated to the point we are walking through life with rose colored glasses. Sometimes its’ hard to see us being with anyone else that is different from this ideal. Recently, I was faced with several options I met through work and one of them was an ideal, one that would’ve stroked my ego, and then another which completely surprised me as he wasn’t usually my type at all. But overtime, the strength of our connection and the way he treated me, I realized that while sometimes we may not end up with the ideal in regards to relationships, what matters is the way they treat you. The way your heart feels and how they act around you.

Thoughts on Reconciliation

Thoughts on Reconciliation

I was in love with him. So very much in love, and now that we haven’t spoken since last July, the time apart has been painful, yet healing. It gave me time to think about the what ifs, gave me time to think about if we were to ever reconcile, what might happen, what might I say.

I never, ever, felt this way towards anyone else in my life. Our connection was so strong, deep and powerful.

Yet, for various reasons I suppose, I couldn’t have him. And I’ve felt this before with someone else previously, to be in love with someone whom you cannot have is a great pain that no one should have to experience.

Yet, I did and said all that I could say to him, about our connection, and so it is time I feel that I should just move on. Loosing someone whom I had thought was a friend to me, and then felt that I was just used and walked all over for is incredibly breaking.

Most days I feel broken and depleted, like the life and energy has been sucked out of me. I tried so hard to show him how much I cared, despite our circumstances. Yet, I felt he took it all from me and gave nothing in return.

When I do go into a deep introspection, and think about my true feelings for him, despite how he’s treated me in the last year, the feeling of love is still there.

If this some sort of test, the universe is putting me through, then my god, I hope that I overcome it.

Just several weeks after he cut contact with me, I had a dream that I somehow found out about a party he was having at his house on social media and decided to crash it. In the dream, I was able to stay clear of his vision, enjoying the food that was there, talking amongst the guests. As the guests started to clear out, he found me and embarrassed I started to turn around to leave. But instead of yelling at me for crashing his party, or calling me out, he looked at me and said “Stay”. That was when I woke up.

If that wasn’t a sign of what to do, I don’t know what is. That was last Summer though and it’s been months since then. When I was verbally harassed by a girl whom I thought was a friend, I reached out to him, and he didn’t even respond.

Yet, every single psychic I’ve met told me that we’re supposed to reconcile and build something after that. And having a psychic consensus that strong is kinda rare. One told me that he’d come back when I was in the ‘light’ again, but no way in hell would I let him get away with what he did to me. You cannot abandon those who you supposedly love. The fact that he wasn’t there for me, when I wanted him to, I feel speaks volumes. But then I go back on what I do feel for him, despite what he’s done and I still do love him.

So, if a reconciliation is for me with him and I in the future, I suppose I just have to move on, until then. I mean, that’s the whole point in a reconciliation though isn’t? That it’s supposed to happen when both of us have mostly moved on…

Liberation – Kali

Liberation – Kali

The Hindu Goddess Kali – the goddess of time and change, death and rebirth, visited me through you. While at the time I didn’t know who she was, or what was happening and I felt hurt, lost and confused. At first I was really hurt, and the confusion was grand. Even a year after what happened between us, I still feel close to you, felt love and companionship – something I’ve been desperately seeking for awhile. I admired you; adored you… Everything you’ve taught me through working with you made me become where I am today in my own business practices. I valued you, saw you as an inspiration…. of whom I aspire to become someday (more or less).

But like with all Goddesses, the goddess energy is the female energy of the manifest world – no matter the culture. It resides in medicine plants and many other earthly forms. As I was discussing with my spiritual mentoree about a recent article posted by The Sacred Science website that the medicine plants hold the sacred energy of each goddess archetype – in the case of the article; Kali is the goddess form of the hibiscus plant. This goes back to the spiritual practice of correspondences – in mystery schools they teach that each plant or mineral has correspondences to amplify that specific energy. She [the Goddess Kali] offers liberation through time and change – death and rebirth and that’s why she came to visit me through you.

Rethinking what happened between you and me a few weeks ago, I have realized how much of a significant impact it has made on me. My spiritual mentoree even mentioned that my energy was lighter after the fact. Like I was broken free from the straps of the depths of my emotions and the darkness from loosing you as well as my ex in a span of two years. By providing liberation to me, I was broken free from these straps from my ex and the straps from you. It was like light had filled my life again. I had awoken from a deep sleep. I have been reborn.

photo-2Last September I went to Canada on a Biology research trip and spent time wondering the forests and practiced some Forest Bathing or what the Japanese refer to as “shinrin-yoku”. I ran across an art journal prompt board from pinterest with a pin of a picture of someones notes regarding different elements and how they are healing. They mention that forests protect our spirits with their canopies as well as energy. Before my trip, I prepared an artist journal and did a ‘pre visualization’ page. Normally, I don’t share what I’ve done in these journals as its for spiritual/artistic growth, unless it seems relevant.

The page to the right is my ‘pre visualization’ page from that residency and I was illustrating how I felt, and how I foresee what the experience may bring me. I was hoping to have this experience relieve me from recent events in my life and allow me to move me forward. At the time I was visualizing a turning a corner in my life – not necessarily liberation – but a new era, a new life cycle. It was just around the corner, but I wasn’t seeing it because I was so despondent. I had lost the light of my life, my inspiration, and a companion. 7 months later, that liberation came to me – (through you being mean to me!) – just in time for the spring equinox. I have never felt better and I cannot wait to see what comes to me for my ‘pre visualization’ page for Italy!

Leaving the Past Behind

Leaving the Past Behind

I recently had closure on something that has allowed me to finally leave a situation in the past. It is bittersweet and while I thoroughly appreciated the closure, it’s left me with an empty heart. I had looked up to this person and admired them for what they have accomplished. As I feel like I could be in their shoes one day, and felt that if things went well I could learn a lot from them. But things didn’t go well, and I was forced to leave. My heart stings with the absence of their warmth. What’s frustrating me about this particular situation is my intuition. It’s telling me, that things are DEFINITELY not over, and it’s making moving on even more difficult. But what I find interesting about a similar situation that I was going through about a year ago, was my intuition telling me then that it was DEFINITELY OVER. This is different. I don’t feel the sinking feeling of disappointment creeping up on me, it’s quite different. It’s like the fact that I know things aren’t over are making it easier to move on. I guess I am just impatient and I want the new start to happen.

I also feel like a huge cycle just ended and this closure has allowed and opened some new things coming to me. I haven’t had a whole lot of luck with exhibitions lately, and I’m kinda wondering if its because the negative energy of that situation was still lingering. But now that it is closed, I should have better luck… it was like a block.

Inner Work

Inner Work

I’ve been spending this past week trying to get my mind in the right frame of mind for my residency. I’ve been tying up projects, working on cleaning, meditating, preparing, etc. I’d just go with the flow, but I’d want to have some creative preparation for the week so if I have an idea for something in the future I am prepared.

These past couple of months have been really emotional for me. I’m waiting on edge in hopes of a prediction to come through, but for whatever reason it keeps being delayed and whenever this happens my anxiety is through the roof and I’m just on edge and uncomfortable until it passes; I’ve been feeling this way since the end of July and my predictions keep saying it’ll come through… Advice has been to just let it go, but I’m afraid if I let it go, I’ll end up being disappointed! And I have a fear of disappointment, so trying to let it go and to be allowed to be disappointed is what I’m afraid of. But I keep being reminded that maybe, if I do let it go, for once I may not be disappointed!

The waiting is just bringing up old wounds and dealing with old wounds is never pretty. And the person I am waiting on knows very well what has happened to me in the past that has hurt me and keeping me hanging and waiting, is a sure damn way to continue to hurt me. It shows to me that I’m not a priority, that maybe you really don’t care about me in the way I thought you did, and just by keeping me hanging it shows that maybe you don’t have respect for me and that maybe you’re not the person I thought you were… I realize all of this is extreme, and I realize that people are busy and have other important things in mind… but still it is what goes through my head when someone just leaves me hanging and it just creates an emotional roller coaster for me. It’s one of those things where I know without a doubt that the prediction will come through but my fear of failure and disappointment is what is keeping me from believing that this is true! It’s such an uncomfortable contradiction!

Walk in the Forest to Heal Oneself

Walk in the Forest to Heal Oneself

I have always been a nature lover, who appreciates spending time outdoors and soaking in the positive energy of the green surroundings. So I was simply thrilled when I came across a popular practice in Japan called ‘Shinrin-yoku’ which means ‘taking in the forest atmosphere’ also known as ‘forest bathing‘.

Spending time in nature is healing energy for the mind, body and soul. The idea with Shinrin-yoku, a term coined by the government in 1982 but inspired by ancient Shinto and Buddhist practices, is to let nature enter your body through all five senses, and feel at one with the forest. It is about being mindful of your surroundings and the experience.

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What a Shaman See’s In a Mental Hospital

What a Shaman See’s In a Mental Hospital

This is one of the most enlightening articles I’ve read in awhile regarding Mental Illness… and it makes SO much sense from this point of view and what is happening around me. This enlightenment has been having me thinking that one of the things that I’ve always wanted to do is go to an indigenous culture or village and learn to become a shaman:

In the shamanic view, mental illness signals “the birth of a healer,” explains Malidoma Patrice Somé.  Thus, mental disorders are spiritual emergencies, spiritual crises, and need to be regarded as such to aid the healer in being born.

What those in the West view as mental illness, the Dagara people regard as “good news from the other world.”  The person going through the crisis has been chosen as a medium for a message to the community that needs to be communicated from the spirit realm.  “Mental disorder, behavioral disorder of all kinds, signal the fact that two obviously incompatible energies have merged into the same field,” says Dr. Somé.  These disturbances result when the person does not get assistance in dealing with the presence of the energy from the spirit realm.

Damanhur Federation

Damanhur Federation

I know I have blogged about the Damanhur Federation located in Italy before on this blog, but more and more I’m starting to see it as a prime destination to the continuation of my research. For those who aren’t sure what I research… I research how conscious reality sustains itself through light, sound and vibration. I try and answer questions as to how physical reality is created and sustained… as scientists look through a microscope into matter all they see are atoms and space but yet, our world is full of living breathing organisms. Yes, there are other things that factor into the reality around us (our brains, for example). Recently, scientists have just figured out how to make matter from light. Awhile ago I read an article about how a neurosurgeon was able to reproduce the effects of a coma… in which he experienced a ‘heaven’ like reality. Although, dangerous as one can ‘loose’ themselves in the coma and can never wake, it provides more evidence into the reality that we live in every day. The way this neurosurgeon was able to reproduce the same effect, was through sound. If sound can alter our current conscious reality into something else, shouldn’t that lead to something?

But the next question is… how to get myself to Damanhur! Grants yes, I suppose I need to do some research on grants for independent researchers and such or try to convert my research into an art project.

Bohemian Studio

Bohemian Studio

With a move on the horizon (whether back to California or Boston….) I decided I’d take the time to take good b0fccac6853d11e39b73121f05e73e5c_8photos of my bedroom. I think it beat the bohemian look I strove for in my studio. I love the look of this bedroom. For me, if I’m going to be spending a lot of time in a particular room it’s gotta be comfortable and appealing to the eyes. That’s particularly why I dressed up my cubical at Minuteman… stark white walls, or tables, or anything similar bothers the heck out of me… and I think that’s why I’m a graphic designer because a blank document reminds me of white walls… anyway, Mercury Retrograde is coming and they recommend that during it’s shadow you do some cleaning. So I figured that it was the perfect time to clean my room. After doing a deep meditation the night before, I felt really refreshed and even woke up early today! I’ve been in a bit of a funk all month, so I’m happy to have my energy back.

Now, you won’t BELIEVE how amazing all the pieces of my studio came together in this bedroom/studio. It was as if it was made for it! The walls of the bedroom color were already there, and I think I may have missed the shade of pink for my studio. I think I should’ve gone for the darker shade and not the pastle/pepto-bismol pink. Oh well, I never really worked with pink before, so I got lucky on the second try! If I move to Santa Barbara… I may have to ditch my Bohemian decor as it may not go well with the pastel colors of the beach. :)


This is the first view as you walk into the door.

The bookshelves are on the right and the closet is on the left as you face the room from the doorway.

All my photos have been processed.

A more ‘zoomed’ in view, if you will.


The view of the bed. The shelf contains magickal items and candles and artwork inspired by the ancient world.


The view as if you are lying on the bed.

I decided to take this one without the flash.

So that’s why it’s a bit blurrier and darker.


If you got up from the bed and went directly to the desk this is what you’d see.

Elephants and music… and electronics, unfinished design projects and tarot scatter the desk. ^_^


Close up of the mouse area. I often do impromptu tarot readings with my friends online and like to keep a deck near by.

This is my latest deck that I got while in Santa Barbara. Goes perfectly with the decor. :)

I bought the mouse pad to go with my table cloth that I dressed up my cubical with but my boss didn’t like the way the mouse moved on the hard material…. so he made me switch back.

But I still love it and it works fine with a wireless mouse.


If you’re sitting at the computer typing up a blog or finishing a long overdue design project,  to your right sits my altar table.

Working my spirituality helps with creative blocks and keeping my mind focused; it helps me to stay balanced and centered. I’m an elementalist and work primarily with spiritual light – so that includes ‘white’ and ‘black’ light. The checkered table cloth represents the ‘matrix’ of this ‘white’ and ‘black’ light that I see/work with. The white & black taper candles represents “above” and the large white & black pillar candles represents “below” – as in the “As above and so below” mantra.


Above pictured: is my mini-cauldron for working with the fire element. Whenever I need to release energy, or if I need to call to action I work with fire.
Meh, just noticed the mess on the altar. Sorry about that, been working with it lately, anyway I think a messy altar is more interesting. :)


Peering from the side of the fire element you see the center of the altar… the rainbow structure at the other end of the picture is a pyramid box to cleanse my crystals and other small items.


Above the altar are my purple curtains from college and a stained glass piece that my former harp teacher gave me.

It goes perfectly with the decor!


If you look left while sitting at the computer, a shallow dish contains crystals to help with the surrounding energy.

The statue behind it is of ksitigarbha – a Buddhist figure that destroys negative and harmful thoughts (like worrying!) .

In front of him, is a piece of selenite which is also a worrying stone for me.

In the way back is my photo of shaking Joe Kennedy’s hand at the Capitol Hill reception last September.


To the right of the crystal garden, my photo lens pencil holder, and my coffee mug from this morning.


To the left of the crystal garden you see my piano keyboard.

Well There you have it! That’s the tour of my bedroom. I hope this has given you some inspiration for your bedroom and/or studio.

Spiritual Relationships

Spiritual Relationships

Untitled-1What is a Spiritual Relationship? A spiritual relationship is one where you feel a deep, strong emotional bond to another but there may be distinct physical barriers (age, marriage, another partner, status, position of power, etc) and the emotional relationship exists to teach the other a lesson – whatever that may be.

These relationships are often deep and tend to happen when the other person involved is attached. They are meant to cause a transformation which may be disguised as Love. But it it isn’t love – it has never been about love – although the person in question may feel it. Transformations are about internal changes that shake your world. Transformations cause a paradigm shift in the other – opening their world view and expanding it. And once the person is done transforming – they toss you out – and depending on their personality it could end it heartbreak or if you’re lucky just sadness. Most people cannot handle these deep relationships as it impacts their other partner and it leaves them confused and afraid.

These relationships have plagued my entire life. I am thankful for them as they have made me stronger and have finally come to terms with them. Now, with the next one, I may even fear it – as the loss of the relationship causes me a lot of pain. For awhile, it was something I yearned for in a romantic relationship – to have someone you love and have it returned, but at the same time have a deep spiritual connection – what more could you want from that?! But in my experience these spiritual relationships the other is never available in a romantic sense. And these relationships do not last – usually 6 months tops if it lasts beyond 2 years, than that’s something – but usually means it’s riddled with lessons.

This last spiritual relationship was between me and my boss. Now, I will probably never know what he’ll truly think of his experience with working with me or what he felt – but this past relationship has taught me what second chances felt like. Second chances as a lesson within a spiritual relationship? As I’m sure you can imagine, it was a pretty powerful experience. But being the person with all the power – who had his own issues – it was a relationship where I began to feel powerless. No matter what I could do or say, it wouldn’t fix the situation and I think I know why. He wasn’t learning his lessons within the spiritual relationship that I was teaching him; valuing relationships over money, understanding others who have disadvantages, among other things. Some people cannot handle the deepness of the relationship and often struggle to break it off. A spiritual relationship is a mirror – the other a mirror of oneself – since it is a spiritual lesson, energy is exchanged – it’s a two-way operation. Yes, he wasn’t learning his lessons because I couldn’t seem to change – so I am at fault too, of course. But lesson learning requires both partners to have the courage to develop the relationship and that’s where it failed. One person usually backs out, out of fear because most people are afraid of change and transformation.


I was doing so well. I haven’t thought about the situation in ages. Too busy trying to improve at work, I suppose.

Then today I woke up… with an immense overwhelming feelings of love for you. It was so hard to wake up this morning, I almost just stayed in bed – my medication was out anyway, I would’ve felt like shit the rest of the day.

With having a melatonin induced rest I was able to get up without problems. Once my mind was focused elsewhere, I was able to move past those feelings and regain my strength. The rest of the day was fine.

Then when I came home and logged on to facebook. I saw your beautiful face – and I broke down – a wave of emotions hit me.

I wondered how you were – trying to tune in using psychometric energy. I picked up you were single and not in a place to pursue anyone.

I clenched the blanket and wrapped it tighter around me. I just want this living nightmare to be over. I want so many things. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel so, so empty.

I miss the way you moved, the way you made my heart sing. The warmth I felt, the energy… and my biggest fear is that I will never find someone that will make me feel that way again.

Which is why I hold on. But holding on is a bit self-destructive. 

Full Moon Effect

Full moon effect! I have this. My co-workers (even my boss!) have noticed a pattern in my behavior at work. I was talking to the other designer and jokingly said that the full moon effects me. I become super psychic and creative during the week of the full moon (and a little bit after) and while there are mystical and spiritual folklore surrounding this, I needed facts! The downside of all this is that I don’t sleep very well which affects my behavior at work as well but that’s a different story.

I was trying to do some research on the effect because I want to tell my boss somehow that I have this and it’s seriously a thing for me but I know he won’t take it very seriously. I just don’t know how to tell someone who has a position of power over me that the full moon effects my behavior at work… thankfully the other designer believes in it.

WELL, I found a very interesting article on positive and negative ions and it’s correlation to the full moon. Apparently, positive ions increase during the full moon which causes hyperactivity, depression, violent behavior, road rage, higher occurrences of migraines and asthma. And my behavior specifically is referring to mistakes, difficulty concentrating amongst other things. Furthermore the article states, “Bank employees went from an error rate of 2.5% before negative ion generators were installed, to an error rate of 0.5% while working in negative ion enriched air.” I can’t believe it! There was something there about mistakes! Maybe this erratic pattern can finally be over and things will be restored to normal. I just need to find a negative ion generator to place on my desk at work.

I have known that a Himalayan Salt Lamp produces Negative ions naturally and I have a Himalayan Salt Lamp at home and when I first got it it has affected my sleep better and just made me feel overall better.

Off to go find me a negative ion generator for my desk! I’ll link the papers and articles I found on this below.




Crystal Garden – Orange Calcite

b0fccac6853d11e39b73121f05e73e5c_8I have been slowly building a crystal garden on my desk at work as an experiment – but also as a therapeutic remedy for certain things I struggle with. And building it based on intuitive feelings rather than intellect – meaning choosing to place crystals there based on what ‘feels’ right or what I’m drawn to. I don’t think I did a whole lot with this in the beginning of working there, but it wasn’t until Imbolc where I started putting the loose incense underneath to enhance the crystals and put the dish there to contain the incense. The incense – acting as potpourri – is associated with the current sabbath. So now, I have incense for Imbolc and recently my incense for Ostara came in, which I’m planning on switching in next week. And for those who know, Imbolc is all about purity, growth and re-newal. And ironically that’s what this past month has been all about at work. What went down at work materialistically, is supposed to create a new beginning on the spiritual and emotional levels of the people working there.

That sphere there, is orange calcite…

it helps integrate the spiritual realm with the physical body, enhances creativity and working with emotional issues. It is said to energize and cleanse the lower chakras as well as Sacral chakra to enhance will and remove depression. It can bring higher insights from the upper chakras down into the lower chakras for processing so they can be used in a more instinctual way without needing extended thought. Orange Calcite can bring insights into the causes of apathy or lethargy, allowing one to take back control over one’s life. Orange Calcite’s vital energy can serve as a catalyst for the release of past traumas that have been holding you back, allowing for optimism and joy to come in. Those experiencing depression will benefit from Orange Calcite’s infusion of bright vibrations into the lower chakras. Physically, Orange Calcite helps with urinary tract disorders; liver, spleen and kidney function; incontinence; sexual dysfunction, and chronic fatigue. [source]

I probably shouldn’t be too surprised that I was able to deliver that letter to my boss at the end of January… or be strong willed enough to put up with being reprimanded constantly throughout mercury retrograde…  and it doesn’t surprise me at all that my psychic ability has gotten stronger too. Everything that has seemed to have happened in the past month and a half seems to be associated with the orange calcite stone. Despite feeling a bit defeated with being reprimanded … I felt really strong – a feeling completely different from the way I felt while working at the tearoom.

Recently I added a good chunk of Malachite to the dish. When I went to go visit Lauren at Groundings in Florence, MA, a nice piece of Malachite drew me in and I picked it up right away! I later looked at the metaphysical properties and chuckled:

Malachite has been used to aid success in business and protect against undesirable business associations. It is a stone of balance in relationships. [source] Malachite is a protection stone, absorbing negative energies and pollutants from the atmosphere and from the body. It guards against radiation of all kinds, clears electromagnetic pollution and heals earth energies. [Hall, 183] Keep near microwaves in the kitchen and televisions in living areas. In the workplace Malachite protects against noise, over-bright fluorescent lighting, and harmful rays from technological equipment, negative phone calls and emails. [Eason, 283] Malachite is known for being a stone of support for airplane and airline workers as a protection against accidents, miners for protection from unexplained accidents, and for secretaries to stimulate clear thinking. [Mella, 129,132-133] [source]

$_57Previously I’ve added stones such as hematite, sodalite (releasing tension), carnelian, lepidolite and started off with quartz and orange calcite.

Today, I bought a 2″ Septarium stone that  generally speaking is good for communication. I want to see if its effects will change anything in the work place. Crystals work best when they are put in plain sight, but are not being paid attention to.

The Septarium stone properties are:

This stone coheres spiritual groups, aids public speaking, and healers use it for diagnosis and insight into the cause of disease. Septarian is an excellent support for self-nurturing, caring about others, and caring for the earth. It incubates ideas and helps bring them to fruition. It harmonizes emotions and intellect with the higher mind. [source ] Septarian brings calming energies which have a nurturing feel to them, and can bring feelings of joy and spiritual uplifting. Septarian is used to enhance and nurture communication with groups, making it much easier to speak clearly and kindly in group settings. Septarian is a “concretion” stone. Concretions are protective stones, providing both grounding and shielding of the physical, mental, and emotional bodies. It is a stone for regulation of spiritual, mental, and physical prowess. It promotes both calming and understanding on the emotional level. It is also quite useful in determining the direction in which to progress. Septarian loves to be held, emanating a loving, kind, and sincere energy pattern. It is said to be a speaking stone and enhances communication on multiple levels. [source]

Considering the stone is associated with the element of fire, I want to predict that it will have the strongest effects on the fire and air signs – which are most of the signs I work with. Perhaps instead of headbutting each other all the time, we may actually appear to be all on the same page.

I also purchased a small tiger eye sphere to place there as well;

Tiger’s Eye is a balancing and grounding stone that helps soothe emotional turmoil. It promotes courage and strength, confidence and protection. Tiger’s Eye is also a psychic protector that guards against negativity. Tiger’s Eye softens stubbornness. It helps you to see things in the best light and enhances your connection with your own personal power and will, thereby encouraging self-clarity. Tiger’s Eye helps you to find the most positive way to reveal your true inner light. It helps show you when to take action in a situation and when to wait. It is therefore, a great stone to help achieve goals. Tiger’s Eye is a good luck stone that attracts wealth and money. It aids in manifesting ideas into reality and in bringing Heaven to Earth. [source]

I’m excited to see what new effects these crystals will bring to the workplace and to discover more about their energies.

An open reflection on mistakes

You have learned well, my friend. To value personal relationships over money is something that we should all learn. I am very pleased with how you handled things this past week. Yes, loosing money is bad… but money is tangible… it can be regained. And I know I have a lot of work to do… but meaningful relationships cannot be regained – sometimes.

I lost a meaningful relationship once. And working with you is healing that… I have been carrying regret and a lot of baggage because I feel like I fucked up that meaningful relationship and because of it I lost it. It was a mistake to express myself to them – because by doing so it caused me a lot of heartbreak. This is a strange time for me… I know mistakes aren’t always forgiven, but when it does happen… I find it healing. 

I hope you realize this? The mistakes I’m making aren’t necessarily because I’m not looking/seeing things… but I feel like they come from my subconscious because I am consciously thinking about how I fucked up my relationship. It’s a karma thing see.

Karma is not how most people see it. It comes in cycles, and is depicted in a big wheel in the sky and when you are in one, you have 12 months of positive events and 12 months of negative events alternating in a six month interval. I see it turn in the cards, and know when certain events happen based on solely that knowledge. I am in a karmic cycle and it started when my relationship ended.

Everyone who you meet in a Karmic cycle is going through one as well and is either going through the same lesson you are or ones you’ve already been through so you can teach them. We all meet each other when we’re supposed to, to galvanize lessons and to teach each other certain things.

I wish I can tell you what I am seeing… because based on recent events I can almost guarantee that things are going to get better. That wheel turns in March, around the Spring solstice, and these past six months have been rather trying. The good news about the wheel turning is that things will become more positive for the next six months in all areas of life. And because we seemed to have both learned our lessons, it will be really good for all of us.

Work-place tarot reading

Sometimes my co-designer Krista and I hang out at the shop after work and I do readings. The last time it happened was this time last month during the week of the full moon. I bought a tarot deck of celtic orgin as this area reminded me of the Druids and Celts because of the woods. Last month I read about a new salesperson my boss was looking to hire. I saw some pretty sleazy stuff happening with the new salesperson and that this person was a karmic test for my boss. If he hired the new salesperson a storm would take place and things will eventually be forgiven.

However, my boss didn’t end up hiring the new salesperson (which meant that I was still the new kid) and the events are still taking place and I’m taking the hit since I’m the weakest link (though I’m not doing anything sleazy – same events, same affects, different causes). Because it’s Karmic the events still happen no matter what. Things at work have been obviously rough these past couple days and I’m starting to rethink things. Venus retrograde just became direct, so I feel like my relationship to my boss will be better at the end of the month (in two weeks).

Ironically, that’s the amount of time my boss told me that I had to clean up my act or it will be the end of me working there… However, Mercury is retrograde and I began working at MMPNE during a mercury retrograde – just a month after my Karmic wheel turned which was last September. My Karmic wheel turns again next month and Mercury becomes direct at the end of this month but calms down for the first two weeks in March. I am home today due to the snow storm we’re having and took the time to start applying to other positions. I found an ad on craigslist for a position out in Ellington, CT where it will be the reverse of what I’m doing now. More focus on design creation and less on the pre-production and post-production. And Ellington, CT isn’t that far away from me from Longmeadow, MA.

In minutes I got a response and the interviewer was ironically doing phone interviews today – the interview went really well. I just need to play my cards right and pay attention to the subtle energies at play here. I am given two weeks at MMPNE and within those two weeks at home I have to juggle landing a position and then announce my leave at MMPNE at the right time. SO MUCH DELICACY. DAMN YOU UNIVERSE!

I am so heartbroken that things aren’t going well at MMPNE. I love the people I work with, I love what I do as my job, but it is too much juggling for me to handle on top of healing, on top of loosing my bosss’ patience… on top of moving my studio to Western Ma… I am seeking stability damnit!

Changing the Course of the Future

I did something really hard this past week and I’m quite satisfied with myself that I was able to pull through.

Things at work have been really crazy and my work dynamic with my boss has been intense and from my perspective it was really dragging me into the ground – mentally, emotionally and physically speaking.

I saw for a moment in time two directions my life at work could go in. One in a really positive, happy direction and the other where I was always miserable and feeling quite helpless – and I freaked out. If I continued on this path, the mistakes I had been making I would keep making and things would just become extremely tense. If I made an intervention and apologized things would go in a happier, carefree, positive direction…

I did not have the strength to do what I had to do when I had to do it. But it needed to be done, otherwise things would’ve gone horribly wrong.

I told my boss what I’ve been dealing with roughly for the past 9-18 months. I wrote him a letter and apologized for the shit that went down at work.

Strangely, I have found a sense of healing from doing so. I’m not sure if its’ because I could finally tell someone what I’ve been going through that I trusted or if it was just supposed help me gain some closure or what. But I feel like a load has been lifted from me.

The tension at work has calmed down and things are back to normal. It is very rare for me to see directions of where my life could go so clearly like that. Moments like this are when I’m very glad I am psychic and could see and pick up things like that.

The Healing Center in Beverly

Photo (C) The Healing Center in Beverly

Today I visited Joanna at the Healing Center in Beverly and we talked about a future partnership with my Kirlian Process and my studio space at Cabot Street Studios. We talked about potentially getting my research into workshop format and using the Healing Center space as well as Studio 19’s space for workshops and presentations.

We also talked about literally working with the life force energy as well, since Joanna is a Reiki Master and knows how to work with the energy we thought about trying to capture and visually express the differences of a charged object with Reiki energy and a regular object. I also talked about some of the things I had been struggling with and we decided that Reiki should be the next stage in my healing process as well.

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